The girl with the most cake

So, I turned 28 on January 27th. Last year, when I turned 27 on the 27th, I told myself it would be my most magical year. At the time, I had no idea just how magical it would be. My entire 27th year was filled with both good and bad things. Hm.. a slight re-cap of last year of the good and bad things. (Some things much, much more significant than others.)

- I completed my February art project, where my goal was to write an original poem and create a collage to go along with it. A new one every day for the month. I didn't miss a single day & I'm proud of myself for that.

- & That February art project of mine led me to becoming a part of the 365 Days of Print project, where I would make a new piece of art for (almost) every day in April.

- On February 28th, I found out I was pregnant.

- My father died in March, almost exactly a year after my mom passed away in 2010.

- For the first time ever, my art was featured in (two!) art shows. And I was mentioned in a handful of online publications.

- My blog at hercoffin.net became more popular than ever. (Thanks to a couple of articles that got a lot of attention - one about DIY newspaper fingernails & one about being an INFP.) Also, Gala Darling linked to me in one of her carousel posts on her blog, which is cool to mention. But honestly, it didn't bring much traffic to my site.

- Most of my year, I just spent being pregnant & miserable & euphoric & terrified & amazed. All of those things. It was an emotional rollercoaster. Still is.

- My daughter, Raina Lauri, was born on October 21st. Little did I know what Chad, Raina, and I would be going through. We had no idea, during my pregnancy, that Raina had a heart defect. We had no idea that from December 13th onward, we would be going through so much emotional exhaustion. (That's when Raina was lifeflighted to Children's Hospital. It's now February 5th and she still isn't home. But things are looking so much better now. I'm certain that we are nearing the end of this chapter in our lives. It can only get better now because it just has to.)

I think that sums up the most important things that happened while I was 27. I've read in various places that 27 is a sort of mystical number. People tend to go through life-transformations when they turn 27. I can certainly vouch for that. My life has changed dramatically since my 27th birthday.

The difference between us

Things that inspire me today;

"Snow as a Girl" by Aron Wiesenfeld


"Love Life" by Antigirl





<3

el corazon

Every little soul must shine

According to Chinese astrology, Raina was born in the year of the metal rabbit:

"Metal gives Rabbits more strength, resilience and determination."

♪ Yes, my friend, I'm a tough little bunny.
Every little soul must shi-ii-ine.
Every little soul must shine. ♪

My heart hurts today. I don't feel at ease. I'm not seeing Raina today because I work this afternoon and Chad's been under the weather. Skipping today until tomorrow. Distracting myself with: American Horror Story, pizza, and articles about introversion.

I just feel guilty about not being able to be with Raina all of the time. But I know this is an unusual circumstance. Most people don't have to experience their newly begun parenthood in this manner. .. I've been daydreaming about Raina being back at home. Real smiles, and her first giggle, and tummy time.



I'll write about this, more in depth, in a future blog entry. But I'd like to mention - and this is major - Raina had her official VSD repair surgery on Friday, January 6th. The hole in her heart is patched up now. We still have yet to find out how much the surgery will help her. In most cases, the surgery heals the child completely. And there's really not supposed to be any further problems. I pray to the universe that this will be true for Raina. But it's only been two days after surgery, so we really don't know yet. So far, she's just been resting and recovering. They have her on sedatives and happy drugs.


Before her surgery, Raina's guard puppy said he'd protect her


Prettypretty girl, the day after her surgery

Have faithe, be merrie

I thought I should post a little re-cap of Christmas and New Year's Eve before it gets too terribly late to do so. (I don't want to be posting this in March, now do I? It already feels late as it is.)


On Christmas morning, I woke up uber-early and made two Christmas tree cakes on a (sort of) whim.

After my spontaneous baking spree and (mostly likely) about two cups of coffee, I woke up Chad and we went to go see Raina. I had a hunch that there would probably be some sort of gift for Raina, provided by the hospital or a charity of some kind. But I was shocked to walk in the room and see a huge bag and a stocking sitting on the chair. The nurse told us, "Santa came to visit Raina last night." I showed Raina all of her presents. A mobile, handmade blankets, rattles, clothes, toys. I thought the hospital would give her a little doll or something small for Christmas. I wasn't expecting so many gifts for her. It felt like Christmas for me too! Here is a photo that I took of Raina that day. We put a pretty bow on her head for the occasion. This is one of my most favourite pictures I've ever taken of Raina. She has the most gorgeous smile, her little proper pinkie finger is so cute, and she's just still so beautiful despite all of the circumstances.


Raina and her reindeer doll. (One of the small gifts that was in her stocking.)

Chad says I must like that photo of Raina because it's both creepy and cute. And that may be true. I think that Raina's scar gave Chad the willies at first. But I thought her scar was kind of cool! I've always loved scars and physical imperfections. (I guess it has something to do with my own scars, on my face. I was attacked by a dog when I was four years old.) Scars are this beautiful reminder of what you've been through and how you've gotten stronger from it.



Me & Chad on Christmas.

At night, Chad & I went to visit my brother and his family. We ate dinner & opened some gifts. I tried to stick the bows and ribbons from each gift in my hair. Most of the bows wouldn't stick. We also spent New Year's Eve at my brother's. We played Scattergories and drank vodka. (!!!) Did you know that Scattergories and vodka are two of my favourite things?! 'Tis true.


On New Year's Eve. (left) Me & Chad (right) Me & Dee

Oh. This is the only other picture I have to share. I got this lovely angel necklace from Chad's mom on Christmas. I love it because the necklace reminds me of my mom. She loved jewelry and collected angels. I keep wondering about my mom. And hoping that her spirit is hanging out with Raina at the hospital, when I can't be there.



So I think that about sums up my holidays. A few people have asked me what my resolutions are for 2012. I've never really been into resolutions. (Perhaps because I've always been bad at sticking to them.) And the only things I want for this year (which all coincidentally begin with H) are: for Raina to be healthy, happy, and at home!


P.S. This entry about Christmas just wouldn't be complete without Billy Corgan in a Santa hat. Okbyenow.