Jolene Frances

I was going to write real blog entries. But I'm rather content with writing rambling journal entries. It's been a while since I've written like that. (Not even in my paper journal, either.) Getting the thoughts out of my head and into some form of vernacular is partly therapeutic, and partly insanity-inducing. (But isn't real therapy kind of like that, also?) I realised that analysing my thoughts often puts me in a state of melancholy, but it also seems like it's a necessary thing to do.

Our faces all resemble dying roses,
Stop trying to fix it.

Pondering: Misinterpreted song lyrics. Bits of poetry swirling in my head every now and again. Hidden meanings and double meanings and no meanings. The ghost of my mom. The idea of how - everything in life must be balanced (and how difficult that can be). Insecurity and anxiety (as always). Raina's pretty eyelashes. Heart scars, physical & emotional. Daydreaming about the future. It's all Raina Raina Raina in my head, mostly.

Pretty eyelash girl ♥

Rainy-baby is going to be tall & lanky like her daddy ;D

This is my practise blog. I am just going to type stuff for the moment. Just to see what my layout looks like with words until I've got all the html & such prettied up. Then I will write real blog entries. Maybe. I don't know. My mind is often muddled. I want to re-cap everything that's going on with my daughter, but I don't really know when I'll have the proper time and emotional energy to do so. My Babygirl-darlingdear is still in the hospital. Bouncing back and forth between the 8th floor and the CICU. Things go good and she gets moved to the 8th floor in the hopes that she'll be able to go home soon. But then something goes wrong and she gets moved back to the 4th floor again (CICU).

I think I'm doing pretty well with staying positive. (I guess it's easier when I've got an entire audience on facebook reading everything I write. & I'm far too conscious about the face I show to the world. Pardon any unintentional puns, if there were any.) I think the nervous breakdown I had towards the end of 2010, after my mom died, was my way of strengthening up and preparing for everything that's going on now. I don't need to feel insane and/or break down emotionally. I've already been there and back.

On a related note, it's only recently that I've begun to realise that what was going on with me in November-ish of 2010 was a nervous breakdown. I really wasn't aware at the time, but looking back I know now. I have the scrawling, scribbled journal entries and the incoherent video diaries, from that time, to prove it.

I could typity-type all night. Or I could just end it here. Here sounds good.

Oh! Edited to add: Random pictures.